A Moment to vent...

So, as I contemplated this whole 'opening myself' thing, I realized it doesn't have to be to traumatic. It's a perfect way to say things you're not really going to say to someones face.
We all have those moment where we want to yell at people. THOSE people - with the unsolicited advice and the stupid questions. That ex that started hanging around for no good reason. You know who I'm talking about. Well - this is for them!

* To other Know-it-all moms: YES - I DO baby my son! He's 3 - It's my f*cking job to protect him. The world is full of a-holes like you. No, I can't save him from everything. But dammit, I'm going to try!

* If I knew where I left my f*cking glasses, then I wouldn't be standing here asking you if you've seen them! Did it not occur to you that since I don't have my glasses - I can't f*cking see?!?!?!

* I'm not PMSing - you're just ridding on my last nerve. I should throw things at you just for asking me that question!

* To the ex: Why are you calling me all of a sudden? A million years ago you decided you'd rather have that mail order bride than wait for me to finish school. Yeah she's a dead beat that expects you to take care of her. She married you for a green card- what did you expect? Happily ever after? But that doesn't explain why all of a sudden you're f*cking texting me, asking me to play golf. REALLY? Golf? Why - don't you have real friends you can bother? What are you trying to accomplish by coming around after all these years?
Ps - thank the wife for me - she helped me dodge a bullet!

*To his ex: There's no need to call him to say happy birthday. His birthday is plenty happy without you pissing me off with your yearly phone calls. In case you were wondering, yeah that was me. I was ignoring you. Feel free to go away.

*To Melty face: I should have listened to my friends. I should have heard them when they said you were weird. Like creepy computer guy weird. I defended you. I stood by you when you were going through a rough time. i didn't let people talk crap about you. For what? You had no problem talking crap about me when I needed you the most. I hope it was worth it. You lost what was probably your only friend. Don't be fooled. The people around you are HIS friends. Not yours.

*To the old people: I get that 26 isn't old to you - but it's old to me! If I want to get drunk and mourn the loss of my youth. I will. Let me be! I let you complain about your 137th birthday.

*To the people at Wal-mart: Don't f*cking TOUCH the baby!!! I'm going to walk up to you one day and tickle your face. See how you f*cking like having your personal space invaded.

* To the rednecks: It's called speaking spanish - not talking mexican!! And yes, I think greens are gross. Things that smell that bad shouldn't be eaten.

* To that guy that no longer works there: I'd be nicer to you if you weren't such a prick. You're not likeable. Quit lying to yourself.

* To my sweet husband: Don't touch the Tivo. Don't move my shoes. I shouldn't have to ask you 12 times. Don't lie to yourself, the baby does not actually LIKE football. You're not putting a motor on the kayak . It's a KAYAK! Paddle! Dean WILL get worms, you can't let him just touch stuff!!!

WOOOOOW!! That was fun!! I'm sure I'll have a few more later!